Emotional Toil

We still don't have a little boy in our arms, and let me tell you it is so hard when from early on you were told you were going to have him early, that you measure 2-3 weeks ahead, that since you had your first early; he would come early. Apparently my child wants to tell everyone no.

Every day that passes is so hard. I think to myself today. Today we will hold sweet little man in our arms. Then it turns to night and another sunrise starts. I don't want to rush him. I want him to come when he is ready. It is so hard to carry him in my belly though. I have this massive pressure and weight that I am carrying and some days I don't feel like moving. The one thing keeping me going, in all honesty, is the simple fact Eddison got sick, I am sorta sick (sore throat) and had he come 2 weeks ago we would be dealing with the possibility of him being sick as well.

The thing that stresses me out and causes me to cry is the fact Tim is to leave on April 12-14th and if he doesn't come in 3 days we may not even have ten days with Daddy. It makes me cry typing that. How is it fair to Tim, to baby boy, to Eddison, to me? Why can't we have him home with us to enough the family of four. Everyone says enjoy the last moments of a family of three. I want to, but I want Tim to enjoy the family of four before he leaves for a month. The days are getting closer and closer to the dreaded day and I panic. I simply can't express the emotion that I feel when I think about it.

I know many women have had babies without their husbands - kudos to you. I honestly feel you are one of the bravest women in the world, I know women whose husbands leave the day after... I feel for you. I know the emotion. The heartache, the fear, the pure ugh you feel knowing you are to do it alone for a while. I know I am a strong woman, but Lord I am not this strong. I don't have the strength to be a momma of two without him. He is my rock and my safe place and keeps me grounded. I need him. When he leaves the house and Eddison can't find him her face is my emotion and I want to cry with her, but I have to be strong and just say he will be home soon. I am not sure I will be so strong with two little sets of eyes looking at me asking where is Daddy.

Lately I have been so mean and it's my way of preparing myself for him leaving, when in reality I want so badly to hold him close, to never let go, and to simply be with him. Yet, when I do that the moment he walks out the door with that bag I lose it. I simply lose everything in me and fall to the floor in tears. I truly pray he knows what he means to me, to Eddison, and to this sweet baby growing inside me. I pray he knows he is our rock. God gave me a good one and I am truly blessed to have him as my husband, the father to our children, and as my best friend.

39 Weeks - Needing Patience

How far long are you? 39 Weeks 
Total weight gain/loss: 25.6 lbs (142 to 167.6)
Maternity clothes? Mostly dresses of sorts, leggings, and whatever I can find to cover the belly.
Stretch marks? The top of my belly has gained some shiners this week... I am 44.75" around.
Sleep: If these amazing contractions would stop.... 4-6 hours every night since Monday is taking a toll on me both emotionally and physically. 
Best moment this week: Knowing my family was safe in the tornado.
Have you told family and friends: Everyone knows 
Miss Anything? My being able to sit like a lady
Movement: YOU ARE STRONG - so come on out!
Food cravings: Chocolate milk and strawberry sprite, corn dogs
Anything making you queasy or sick: My heartburn when it kicks in (always around 8pm)
Have you started to show yet: Yep... huge, low! 
Gender prediction: You are a BOY
Labor Signs: Every night since Monday has been labor 5 minutes apart lasting 50-60 seconds for around 4-6 hours then it just stops. I am out of patience and I need some.
Belly Button in or out? Out - and pointing to the floor.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Very emotional on various degrees. 
Looking forward to: Having you in my arms and healthy!

I am so ready for you to arrive. I know my emotions are probably killing everyone around me. I am so snappy, crabby, and tired. I keep thinking today, then nothing. Honestly if one more person says, "When is he coming?" I may punch something. I don't know how those who go past due dates due it. But in reality, my problem is not that you are 39 weeks. It is that you keep tricking me with contractions and no you, then the fact that your dad will have to leave April 13th-ish and if you do wait another 7 days that leaves us with only 10 days to enjoy Daddy time. It stresses me out thinking about it. I really am not sure how I will handle being a momma of two with no Daddy there to help. No matter what though I promise to be the best momma I can be, to love you always, and to teach you the way I have taught Eddison about life. 

I love you lil man... now show yourself! 

38 Weeks - 2 left to go!

How far long are you? 38 Weeks 
Total weight gain/loss: 25.4 lbs (142 to 167.4)
Maternity clothes? Mostly dresses of sorts, leggings, and whatever I can find to cover the belly.
Stretch marks? I haven't located any more.
Sleep: If it happens I enjoy it - I love naps... when I can fit them in!
Best moment this week: Knowing the contractions were for something even if you did not arrive.
Have you told family and friends: Everyone knows 
Miss Anything? My being able to sit like a lady
Movement: YOU ARE STRONG and it's all really low kicks or punches lol
Food cravings: Mainly liquids..... and some goldfish
Anything making you queasy or sick: My heartburn when it kicks in (always around 8pm)
Have you started to show yet: Yep... huge, low! Someone even asked if there were twins.... I am HUGE
Gender prediction: You are a BOY
Labor Signs: On Thurs (38 weeks) we had contractions at 3.5 minutes apart lasting a minute... did that for 6 hours and then you just stopped. 
Belly Button in or out? Out - and pointing to the floor.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Very happy and ready to see baby!
Looking forward to: Having you in my arms and healthy!

You gave us a run for our money on Thursday. We all thought you were coming to meet us then you changed your mind. I definitely believe you will have more of my personality than your Daddy's but no matter what I am ready. I am glad we had our run because it prepared me for what is to come and to be ready to meet my sweet lil man. 

Your sister has a cold right now, so I am actually hoping you wait until she kicks it and that way you and her could be buddies and not have to be separated. I know she is ready to meet you. She says, "Bubba" all the time and runs into your room asking where baby is. So when you and God deem your arrival ready we are all here waiting. We are all so excited to meet you and to hold you in our arms. I may have to cuddle you longer.... Not sure I can move you to your own room at 4 weeks, especially if your Daddy leaves for a deployment only a few days after you arrive. No matter what though. I love you and so does everyone here. 

36 Weeks

Well we hit the 9 month mark. Who knows when you will make your debut but I am getting very eager to meet you. I have prepared all that I can and am simply waiting for all this pressure to turn into some labor pains. I want you to be ready when you are ready though... so NO rush! The upside is we actually have your Daddy home so if you do decide to come he will be here to see you. So, little man I love you and will see you soon!!!


How far long are you? 36 Weeks (9 Months)
Total weight gain/loss: 11.4 lbs (142 to 163.4)
Maternity clothes? Pj's and one pair of maternity pants... hard to wear much else because he is so low!
Stretch marks? I haven't located any more.
Sleep: If it happens I enjoy it - I love naps... when I can fit them in!
Best moment this week: Knowing you actually have a name :)
Have you told family and friends: Everyone knows 
Miss Anything? My ability to have lots of stamina and energy to keep up with Eddison.
Movement: YOU ARE STRONG and it's all really low kicks or punches lol
Food cravings: Rootbeer, fruits (apples), chocolate, hummus, balsamic, and OJ
Anything making you queasy or sick: My heartburn when it kicks in (always around 8pm)
Have you started to show yet: Yep... huge, low, and my belly button popped! Every one keeps saying you will be here sooner than I think... We (I) am aiming for you to arrive at least after 37 weeks! 
Gender prediction: You are a BOY
Labor Signs: Some contractions randomly but nothing huge
Belly Button in or out? Out - and pointing to the floor.
Wedding rings on or off? On
Happy or Moody most of the time: Very happy and ready to see baby!
Looking forward to: Sharing your name with everyone! ;-) (Hint: First name has 7 letters)

Potty Training

So we attempted to potty train Eddison. She was so excited.... but then she developed a rash on her bottom due to the wonderful toilet seat she has. So, we will wait a week or two and try again. For now, she hates the seat and won't go near it. I am so glad she is able to tell me that something hurts though instead of me just continuing to do it and making the pain worse.

Next in the line of events is this little baby making his debut. We will be 36 weeks on Thursday and well everyone keeps saying the 11th is his day. We shall see... that is next Wednesday. I am shooting for the 12-15th and I will be okay with it, before then worries me just a little. However, it is all in God's timing and all I can do is pray that he delivers lil man, brings those to the house who are supposed to be here, and allows us to be healthy and happy.

Today we are hanging out at the house and once Eddison wakes up we are headed to get Tim an anniversary present... because tomorrow we celebrate our 3 years together! Amazing that in those 3 years we have had one child, due with another, lived in two homes, and been through countless deployments all while still loving one another and missing the other when we are away. I think i hit the jackpot :)

Anyway, lil bear is about to wake up so later!!!!! Photos soon!