Big Sister

The world now knows about you becoming a big sister. As hard as it was to tell people I am so glad I don't have to hide. I know some are probably thinking - OH MY GOSH YOU JUST HAD EDDISON.... yeah I did. I am excited to think they will be close like Micah, Jack, and I. Granted Katie and I are close but that didn't come until we were older. So those haters can hate!

Anyway, you seem to realize this baby is coming because your routine and the way you are is changing. You are more independent and willing to go without me. (this breaks my heart) You will wave and say bye if you want me to leave. Cute but sad.

So, you are 13 months and your sibling is 13 weeks. Kind of fun to think of it that way. Which is what we did to announce your new sibling coming. It was nice. Tim took the photo. Oh, for those of you reading, Tim does not want to know the gender so we are going to wait until April to find out. I will still do "reveal" photos but one will be boy and one will be girl. Sounds stupid but if Eddi has it then I want the baby to have some too.

I have to say I am not sure I will make it but I am going to try. We will do a 3D ultrasound at around 30 weeks, and if the tech doesn't slip then maybe I will make it. If you wonder why I say it like that, well we are doing a midwife, home birth again. I loved Eddison being born at home and couldn't imagine having this baby anywhere else. If we ever move I know it will be hard for me. This will be the home both my babies were born in. EEK!

The babies room is slowly coming together. I just finished drawing the giraffe for one of the frames. Next is to get Meme out to help  with the safari tree. I think it turned out okay but I pretty much suck at trees so Meme is going to be the saving grace there. I am so excited to have you here. Almost halfway there and it is flying. Oh by the way - the due date is April 2nd, and I think you will arrive on March 27. Let's see what happens. Welp, I am now going to go to bed (yes it is 7:30) because your sister is asleep and well I am completely pooped.

Daddy & Deployments

Your Daddy does a lot for you and I. One of these is leaving on his deployments. When you were teeny tiny they didn't seem to phase you. Now, you notice he is gone,  you walk around the house saying, "Dada" like you are playing hide and seek. Then once you notice he is no where you look at me with the saddest eyes. It truly breaks my heart into a million pieces.

This current trip has been probably the hardest, he is gone, he is home, he is gone... you are so confused and upset. For about three nights you would wake up around 2 or 3 a.m. and scream, "DADA!" and I would have to comfort you. Talk about tearing your mother's heart out. I wanted to cry with you but I knew if I were to do that it would only make matters worse. So there we would sit, rocking, me telling you where he is, and my praying silently that you find peace so you can sleep. You would normally find the sleep and once you woke up it would be the same hide and seek game. However, on the fourth day you seem to understand Daddy will be home soon. The worst is you think I will leave too, so when we go places you cling to me. I don't know how to express to you that I don't have to leave, that because of what he does I get to stay with you.

Never would I have imagined it being this hard. I went through this while your Daddy and I dated
and it was hard, but not like it is now. To see you cry, and hurt makes me break in two. Daddy knows how hard it is on us, I can only imagine how hard it is on him. Eddison you need to know he does this so I can stay at home with you, so we can live the life we live, so we can be a family. I know as you get older and the more he goes it won't seem to be different. I want you to know that with each day he is gone is a day we can be thankful, a day we can feel blessed; then the day he returns we will celebrate, cry, and just be a family again. Those are the days when you run to him and say, "Dada" and smile and just stare at him. Those are the days I feel whole again. Those are the days I am most thankful for.