Daddy & Deployments

Your Daddy does a lot for you and I. One of these is leaving on his deployments. When you were teeny tiny they didn't seem to phase you. Now, you notice he is gone,  you walk around the house saying, "Dada" like you are playing hide and seek. Then once you notice he is no where you look at me with the saddest eyes. It truly breaks my heart into a million pieces.

This current trip has been probably the hardest, he is gone, he is home, he is gone... you are so confused and upset. For about three nights you would wake up around 2 or 3 a.m. and scream, "DADA!" and I would have to comfort you. Talk about tearing your mother's heart out. I wanted to cry with you but I knew if I were to do that it would only make matters worse. So there we would sit, rocking, me telling you where he is, and my praying silently that you find peace so you can sleep. You would normally find the sleep and once you woke up it would be the same hide and seek game. However, on the fourth day you seem to understand Daddy will be home soon. The worst is you think I will leave too, so when we go places you cling to me. I don't know how to express to you that I don't have to leave, that because of what he does I get to stay with you.

Never would I have imagined it being this hard. I went through this while your Daddy and I dated
and it was hard, but not like it is now. To see you cry, and hurt makes me break in two. Daddy knows how hard it is on us, I can only imagine how hard it is on him. Eddison you need to know he does this so I can stay at home with you, so we can live the life we live, so we can be a family. I know as you get older and the more he goes it won't seem to be different. I want you to know that with each day he is gone is a day we can be thankful, a day we can feel blessed; then the day he returns we will celebrate, cry, and just be a family again. Those are the days when you run to him and say, "Dada" and smile and just stare at him. Those are the days I feel whole again. Those are the days I am most thankful for.