Your First Holiday

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

 

 

This little dress was made by momma. This is not what you wore today - you wore a scarecrow outfit! That picture is coming; you are currently asleep with only the onesie on so I will wait to put the tutu on.

 You have had a busy week my little lady. You spent Sunday with all your cousins and Aunts and Uncles... well your Aunt Katie was working... then Monday you hung out with Parker and Aunt Micah, and then your Meme... we walked 3 miles at Earlywine Park, Tuesday you hung out with your Meme, Great Nana, and you finally met your Great Uncle Victor.

Yesterday you were over at your Aunt Katie's and hung with the cousins... you have been so busy I am surprised at times how you even wake up... thankful you do!

 

Today we are going to momma's work to "trick-o-treat" then we will come home and make cookies for our neighborhood party, then we will go around "trick-o-treating" with your cousins. Parker is a space man, Dawson is a skeleton, and Kora is a lady bug. There will be pictures of that asap.

 

I have also been a little busy making you dresses for the holidays. I am so excited to be sewing. I sure have missed it and am thankful Meme taught me how. While sewing I showed you what to do. I have no idea if it sunk in or not, but I was teaching you nonetheless. Anyways, I better sneak off and start getting myself ready. I am going to make some cat ears and be a kitty cat for Halloween. I should be a crow though... get it? Scarecrow and a crow? Sorry. I know your momma is a little odd for most people. One day you will grow to love me! Again, Happy Halloween to my Eddi Bear. I promise to only eat a little chocolate.

 



4 Days Remaining

I have had this countdown on my phone that tells me how many days until I have to return to work. Today it says 4 days.

I want to cry.

Last night I prayed and prayed about so many things and one of them was work. I prayed that God would show me what I am supposed to do. Should I go back to work or should I quit. I prayed that I would get a sign and it would show me where God wants me to be.

This morning I was getting up and around and about to sit down to eat breakfast and I saw this.

This letter was written from Tim. I got to the second sentence and started to cry. Tim has no idea but he was used by God and I was able to receive my answer. The problem now is do I go back and try it for a week or do I rip the Band-Aid and tell them today? My gut says to do a week and God will provide with me a way to quit without burning bridges. Now, I want it to be God that guides me in this. I know he will provide for our family if it happens I do quit. I know the reason I am returning is not because 1. I am supposed to be there 2. I love my job or 3. I have to.... the simple reason I am returning is because I want to pay of another debt and then be able to not work with out worry.

I am going to let go, and let God in the situation. I know he has always provided for me, he has always lead me to the places I needed to be. Everything happens for a reason. I know Eddison is my reason. She is my reason for everything that I do.

Eddison when you are old enough to read this I pray that you read it with an understanding that your mother and your father were always concerned with your well-being. We only did things that were beneficial to you. Selfish was not something we did. Eddison I love you from the deepest parts of my being. You are my saving grace and my light. Truly you are my sunshine.

2 months

Swoon

It is so hard to believe you are two months old. Where have these 8 weeks gone? The worst part is I know that in 13 days I will have to leave you to go to work. As I type this you are sleeping and I can't seem to get my mind off leaving you.
 
How women leave is so hard to understand. I am completely in awe of the working woman, the single working woman, and women in general. I am terrified to leave her with someone else, I don't know their habits, their teaching styles, their ethics. When I am home with her I know what she is learning, how, and when. She can hold herself up. No, it may not be for longer than a minute but she can. She holds her head up, she "talks", she is able to hold on to things. she is simply amazing.

Daddy and Eddison in Bricktown

I pray that these next few months fly by and I am able to be at home with her. I pray that God will guide me in this decision. That God will provide for me. I pray that God watches over Eddison as I work. I pray that nothing happens to my family. It is hard being a mother. Yet, it is the most rewarding thing a person can do.

My little scarecrow!

As I look at her I can see the determination she has to be a strong girl, I can see how hard she tries to talk, I can see her rolling to get that pacifier because she wants it. She is everything I prayed about and more. I am so blessed to be her mother. I am so proud to be her teacher.

We took photos today and wow! She is stunning. I am so beyond speechless when I look at her. She is the picture of perfection. I can't believe all the things she has accomplished in the short 2 months of her life. I can only begin to imagine what she will have done in the years to come.



My baby Eddison is my life. She is everything. For those two reasons I know how hard it will be to head off to work. For those two reasons I have to say I am positive working won't last long. This past week we have been working on so many things and I can't help but wonder if her sitter will do those things as well.

We are learning some sign language, how to read, and learning to grasp and put her pacifier in her mouth. We are also learning how to stand tall. She is really good at all of the above. Oh, I love you baby girl.

Baby Watching

You were baby sat last weekend.

I cried. I cried a lot.

As you drove away with your Aunt Micah I lost it. I understand now why they say it is hard to leave your baby. This was nothing compared to the pizza run. You were going to be gone for a couple of hours. I felt like my heart was breaking into a thousand pieces. It wasn't that I thought you were in bad hands, or that I thought you wouldn't return. It was the simple idea that you were not with me.

Your Aunt was awesome though and updated me while she had you. She even sent a photo of you when you arrived. She said you were very good and slept a lot. Daddy and I were proud of you and were ready to come get you.

When we got there it was like I became myself again. I was whole.

Supply and Demand

Breastfeeding.

The moment I decided I would breastfeed as long as I could supply.

This words seems to hold so much. The definition is simple. You feed your child milk through your breast. It is one of the most natural things we as humans can do. However, there is a lot more to it than just that simple definition.

Being a mother who is currently breastfeeding her daughter, I fully understand the trials, the joys, and the discomfort breastfeeding brings. There are women who can not feed their child in this manner and I can understand that frustration when my own supply seems to go down.

This is the reason for my post. Supply and demand.

The joy of seeing the satisfaction on her face ;)

Eddison is a good eater. Weighing in at almost 12 pounds and only 7 weeks old you can see that. I don't feel as though I have great supply. But, the moment she finishes (and if I switch sides) and she is still looking for food I feel a sense of failure in the supply department. I get this feeling I should be able to produce enough milk for her. Yet, there are times you cant. It is simple. It is frustrating. It is reality.

I would love to be one of those moms who breastfeeds for a year. I would love to have this gift to give my daughter. Yet, there is this guilt that comes when I think I am done with this.

It hurts. It hurts like hell when you breastfeed. I mean think about someone constantly pinching your nipple and at the same time sucking so hard it causes your nipple to extend to unknown lengths. That my reader is reality.

It is NOT fun, and it sure isn't about enjoyment. Breastfeeding takes patience, strength, and endurance. It also takes a little bit of humility. Babies have a way of eating that mothers can not control. They are the ones who determine how it all goes down.

Some are crawlers, some are "sippers", some are loud, some are groaners, some are silent, some move a lot. Each child has a way of eating that can cause a mother to want to DIE on the spot with embarrassment. This is not fair. As a mom we should not have to feel like what we are doing is wrong or embarrassing. It is natural.

I pump so he can have the same joy I have.

I am not one who feeds my daughter uncovered and I am not saying one way of feeding is more right that the other. I am saying I should not be embarrassed when my daughter decides she is hungry in some of the worst possible situations and times. Yet, I found myself in situations where I felt I needed to run and hide. I felt as though I wasn't doing it right, that she was being too loud, that I was being disrespectful for the simple fact she was hungry and I fed her.

The demand outweighs the supply

I had a conversation with a mother who asked me a question about breastfeeding and I wanted to hug her. Mainly because she was looking to me for an answer, and second because she was so confused on if she were "doing it right." Let me tell you this - if your child is getting food, you are trying everything you can, and you can see the benefit of what you are doing - THEN YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT. There is not a right way of feeding your baby. Some women switch sides, some don't. Some have to use a nipple shield, some don't. Some get sore nipples that crack and bleed and some don't. Let your baby and your body be who determines what you are doing.


With that said, if the whole supply and demand becomes a struggle do not feel as though you failed. Don't let someone say something to you that makes you feel like supplementing or going to formula is wrong. You are doing what you can to make sure your baby is growing in the best way he/she can. I find myself in the situation where there is a chance I wont have enough milk to feed Eddison. My first reaction was defeat. Second reaction was congratulations. I made it 7 weeks. If I make it to 8 then I will be so proud of myself. If it so happens I can still feed her for a year then amazing. If not then I thank God I was given the weeks I had.

So, mommas remember that there is no right or wrong way. Remember that as a mother we do what ever we can to make our babies happy. Remember that if you are solely breastfeeding, supplementing, or strictly formula feeding you are doing it right. Do not let yourself become embarrassed by doing what you know is right. We are women, we are strong, we are amazing. Supply and demand may have a way of making us feel defeated but no one can take away the fact we are MOM!